“The Beginners” and “Why Don’t You Dance?” are two short stories by Raymond Carver that serve as critical examinations of human relationships and individual appearances. Both stories describe characters in relationships that would be deemed by cultural ideology as flawed, and these characters are self-aware of their deviance from the “norm.” In both stories, the characters compare their real relationships and roles to the relationships they are expected to have and the roles they are expected to play, which leads to a questioning of whether or not they are doing the “right” thing.
Carver addresses love, loneliness, and embarrassment through the relationship between Herb and Terri in “The Beginners.” He has set extremely high standards for what is to be considered real, acceptable love. Herb address several instances in which the love that the characters have known throughout their lives differs from what is supposed to be true love. He tells his wife that her first husband did not really love her, despite her insistence that although it was expressed in unconventional ways, her first husband did indeed love her, and she him. Herb also raises the issue of multiple marriages by one person, which all four characters have experienced, and expresses his confusion on love’s role there. To love multiple times in one’s live goes against the cultural ideology that love is eternal, and that there is one soul mate for each of us.
Both Herb and Terri possess feelings of loneliness as well. Both speak of former marriages, fondly, in Terri’s case, each is misunderstood by the other, and both comment on Laura and ____’s strong feelings for each other, seemingly jealous. For example, Terri says, “I love Carl, and there’s no question of that in my mind. I still love him. But God, I love Herb, too. You can see that, can’t you? I don’t have to tell you that. Oh, isn’t it all too much, all of it?” She says this while Herb is not in the room and breaks down in tears, which further stresses her strong feelings of loneliness. Herb, on the other hand, misses his kids. Terri even admits that Herb had been talking about suicide lately. Also, Herb expresses being extremely touched by his story about an old couple he helped after they got in a car accident and were severely injured, and Terri voices her disappointment at not hearing the full story beforehand. Each keeps thoughts and feelings hidden from the other, which goes against the culturally held ideals of a good relationship and also causes feelings of loneliness for both.
Feelings of shame within Herb and Terri’s relationship are also discussed in “The Beginners.” Herb shares his feelings about finding love after losing love and Terri says, “Herb, come on now. You are too drunk. Don’t talk like this.” Herb answers by saying, “Just shut up for a minute, will you? Let me tell you this. It’s been on my mind. Just shut up for a minute.” Carver then goes on to say that Terri “seemed anxious, that’s the only word for it.” This brief conversation portrays Terri’s embarrassment at Herb’s very honest discussion of his feelings, and Herb’s resulting feeling of shame from Terri’s reaction. The fact that Terri waited until Herb left the room to voice her fear of Herb’s condition and her feelings about Carl is an indication that she is embarrassed of her own feelings and what Herb might think of them.
The main issue of relationships that is addressed in “Why Don’t You Dance?” lies in how the characters feel about their appearance to others and their ability to blend in and be “normal.” The boy’s refusal to kiss the girl on the bed and his reluctance to dance when the man suggests to are indications that he feels these decisions would inflict judgment by others and reflect poorly on his image to the outside world. The girl notices people watching them dance, and the man says, “It’s okay. It’s my place.” The girl responds, “Let them watch.” This conversation reveals that while both recognize that others may be judging their behavior, they feel comfortable dancing outside of the man’s house.
At the end of “Why Don’t You Dance?” the girl makes fun of the man when telling the story of their encounter with him and the things they bought from him. While the girl and the boy were looking through the old man’s stuff she found it interesting, and she enjoyed the time she and the boy spent talking, drinking, and dancing with the man. To an outsider, however, forming a relationship with a strange old man is not within the “norm,” so she says, “Oh, my God. Don’t laugh. He played us these records. Look at this record-player. The old guy gave it to us. And all these crappy records. Will you look at this shit?” The story goes on to say, “She kept talking. She told everyone. There was more to it, and she was trying to get it talked out. After a time, she quit trying.” By downplaying her enthusiasm about the event, the girl feels she is keeping herself within the realm of what is normal, but she knows she is not doing her feelings justice.
Herb, Terri, and the girl all make attempts to keep their appearances in line with culturally accepted ideologies. Herb and Terri recognize that there are flaws in their relationship, and the girl realizes that her connection with the man would be viewed as abnormal, and they all try to downplay these negative aspects. Therefore, it is my belief that Carver’s conclusion is that the appearance of ourselves and our relationships to others is equally important to the actual relationships and who we actually are. I think this is exaggerated – appearances are not really equally important, but they are extremely important to most. The characters in these two stories show that despite how we may personally think of ourselves and of our relationships with others, how others view us overshadows our personal thoughts.
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